Picture this: your heart starts pounding, your breath begins to race, your head and neck muscles start to tense, your fists become clenched, your face feels hot and your stomach is tied up in knots. These are some of the physical sensations of anger that can accompany the mental or emotional effects of anger, such as being overwhelmed or resentful, irritable, nervous or ‘seeing red.’
We’ve all been there—at work, on the road, at home or all the above. The typical adult experiences anger approximately 14 times per week, an average of twice a day. Furthermore, 30 percent of adults report struggling to control their anger. People can become angry for various reasons and anger feels different for everyone. Your individual experiences and beliefs can shape your anger triggers, or what ‘sets you off.’
When someone feels angry, they typically act on it in three ways:
Anger at work typically comes from one of three things: communication, the nature of the work and interpersonal issues. Communication-related frustrations can stem from poor instructions, missing details, insufficient support or the feeling of being micromanaged. Heavy workloads, unclear roles, unrealistic expectations or a lack of autonomy and ownership over your tasks can also contribute to feelings of anger and frustration.
Interpersonal issues can encompass a wide range of conflicts and unfair treatment. These issues include bullying, harassment, discrimination, perceived favoritism, lack of recognition and unresolved clashes with coworkers. While anger often arises from an individual’s personal interpretation of a situation, some circumstances, like bullying, are likely to cause anger in almost anyone.
Holding onto anger and resentment can be detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being over time. That’s why learning to manage anger is an important skill that can help you get along with others, have a positive outlook on work and be your best self.
When you feel anger building up, step away from the situation if possible. Take a break, go for a walk or engage in another activity that will help calm you down until you feel more in control of your emotions. Experiment with relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation or visualization.
After you’ve had a chance to cool off and get in control of your emotions, address the situation that caused you to get angry. Getting to the root of your anger allows you to tackle it and prevent it from building up over time. If it’s a communication problem or interpersonal issue, talk with the person (or people) involved and express your feelings and needs in a clear and respectful manner. Use ‘I’ statements to communicate how you feel without blaming others.
During these conversations, it’s important to practice empathy and forgiveness. Trying to understand the perspective of the other person and empathize with their point of view can help you reduce anger and come to an understanding. Practice forgiveness, both towards others and yourself, to let go of negative emotions and move forward.
As with most mental and emotional wellness strategies, lifestyle choices can help too. Exercising regularly and seeking support from family and friends can help you cope with anger in the long-term. These people can offer support, guidance and a fresh perspective on how to manage your emotions. However, If you find that anger is significantly impacting your relationships, work or daily functioning, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in anger management. Sometimes, finding humor in a situation can also help diffuse anger and lighten the mood. However, be mindful of using humor in a way that is respectful and not dismissive of others’ feelings.
The goal with any strategy used to work through feelings of anger is to come down from a heightened state of emotion to one where you’re able to think clearly and logically. By finding the right approach to manage your anger, you’ll be better able to take control and release your anger without letting it control you. Remember that managing anger is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small wins along the way.
[Emily Vollmer]
